25+ Dad jokes & Everything you Need to Read!

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Do you want to read a collection of “Dad Jokes?” I’m collecting them and giving credit where credit is due. If you have a great “dad joke,” let me know, and I’ll include it! (I’ll give you credit if you like.) I’ll even try to categorize them! Following is a collection of 25+ Dad jokes & Everything you need to read. And I’ll keep adding to this list!

25+ Dad jokes & Everything

Or if you want “quirky,” you can follow this link! Or if you want a different perspective on humor, follow this link of someone I recently started to follow.


  • I recently entered 10 puns in a contest. I certainly hoped I’d win! But no pun in 10 did!
  • Question: What would you have if everyone in the country drove a pink car? Answer: A pink carnation!
  • I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off!
  • Most people are shocked when they find out how bad I am as an electrician.
  • Thanks for explaining the word “many” to me; it means a lot.
  • I was addicted to the hokey pokey… but thankfully, I turned myself around.

Groaners included in 25+ Dad jokes & Everything else

  • What did the buffalo say to his son when he went off to college? “Bison”
  • I keep all my Dad Jokes in my Dad-A-Base.
  • What did the fish say when it swam into a wall? “Dam!”
  • There are three types of people in the world: Those who understand math and those who don’t!
  • Two windmills are standing on a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite type of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
  • Two Irishmen walk out of a bar. No, really, It could happen!

Grandkids laughed

  • Someone asked me if I had plans for the fall. It took me a moment to realize they meant “autumn” and not the collapse of civilization!
  • Did you know that the men who invented the Ferris Wheel and the Roundabout never met? They traveled in different circles!
  • You can’t have a filet mignon lifestyle with a hot dog work ethic!
  • I get most of my exercise these days from shaking my head in disbelief
  • Two reasons I don’t trust people
    • I don’t know them
    • I know them

Daughters laughed

  • Duct tape can’t fix stupid, but it can muffle the sound.
  • Here’s one:
    • Person: What’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever done?
    • Me: Awfully bold of you to assume I’ve peaked.
  • TACT is for those not intelligent enough to be SARCASTIC
  • Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it’d be a foot!

Nobody but me thinks it’s funny included in the 25+ Dad jokes & Everything I thought was funny, and I can make the title longer!

  • This just in… You will be blessed with money if you get up and take your A.. to work!
  • It’s not really drinking alone if the dog is home
  • You can’t tell me what to do; you’ve not my granddaughter
  • What did the fisherman say to the magician? Pick a cod, any cod.

Oldies but Goodies

  • I used to be a people person, but people ruined that for me!
  • I’m not insulting you. I’m describing you.
  • Q: Why do hummingbirds hum? A: Because they don’t know the words!
  • Phone Ringing: National Procrastination Society, can we do this next week?
  • Two guys walk into a bar. The third guy ducks!


  • I sold my vacuum cleaner the other day; all it was doing was collecting dust
  • Did you hear about the guy who invented the “Knock-Knock” joke? He won the “no-bell” prize!
  • What’s the difference between a rabbit and a grape? They are both purple except for the rabbit!
  • I once wrote a song about a tortilla, but it’s more of a wrap!
  • A priest, a pastor, and a rabbit walk into a bar. The bartender asks the rabbit, “What are you doing here?” The rabbit says, “I’m a typo.”

Things you’d like to say at work, but you can’t; included in 25+ Dad jokes & Everything you want to know and more of the same …

  • You haven’t had your meds today, have you?
  • I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
  • How about never? Is never good for you?
  • I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being smarter.
  • I’m already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth!
  • I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.
  • I’m really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
  • I’m not arguing with you, I’m explaining why I’m right!

Once again, if you like 25+ Dad jokes & Everything about them, let me know. You can even send me your favorite to include. I’ll credit you if you want to have your name included!

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Classic Rock Recollection

“Eat It” by Weird Al Yankovic

How come you’re always such a fussy young man?
Don’t want no Captain Crunch, don’t want no Raisin Bran
Well, don’t you know that other kids are starving in Japan?
So eat it, just eat it

Written by: Michael Jackson & Al Yankovic as a parody of “Beat It”
(Michael Jackson was a huge fan of Weird Al!)